This infographic is the bomb! LOL
Many relationships run their course and end eventually. Navigating through breakups is never easy, but there are some ways to make things easier. You hope that you won’t run into your ex. You go out of your way to avoid places you both used to frequent. However, you can’t avoid them all together. The chances are especially high if you live in the same city. It’s a bit less likely if you live states a part, such as in a long distance relationship. For the most part, chances are, you are never prepared to run into an ex, but it is bound to happen from time to time. If you don’t want this awkward situation to turn unbearable, there are a few do’s and don’ts to remember. I wanted to write this article to help you be prepared for the inevitable moment you run into your ex.
The next time you run into an ex, just remember these super helpful tips:
Do Act Surprised
This might seem straightforward, because unless you are stalking an ex it should be a surprise to see them out. They key to this tip is making your interaction seem effortless. You want to seem like you have moved on from the relationship and are fine with running into them unexpectedly. It is fine to act surprised, but don’t let your emotions get in the way and dissolve into a babbling mess. Keep your cool and try to act a bit nonchalant about the whole meeting. Don’t give them a super emotional reaction that you’ll later regret. Don’t ask to hang out with them or reminisce about the past. You’ll regret it later.
Do Be the Best You
The best revenge in relationships that have failed is living well. You want to show your ex that you are fabulous and fine without them. The small answers can make the most impact and showing your ex that you are doing great is the best impression to make.
Don’t Lie or Overdo It
You want to seem like you are happy and moved on, but you don’t want to go overboard. Your ex will be able to pick up on telltale signs if you are overdoing it or even lying. You want to be honest with how you portray yourself. Sometimes when you are caught off guard, it can be easy to overcompensate and fib a little to make yourself appear better than you are. Be comfortable with where you are in your life after the breakup and remain confident. Lying to an ex to make yourself seem better will only make you feel worse.
Don’t Take Anything Personally
When you run into an ex, it is never a good idea to take the things that they might say personally. Coming face to face with a failed love can be an overwhelming experience, so the trick is to get it over with quickly and come out unscathed. You never know how your ex really feels about seeing you, because they are never going to let on to their true feelings.
Do higher testosterone levels increase your attractiveness to women? I remember in grad school hearing about a study that found that men found women’s voices more attractive when they were on their menstrual cycle. I was thinking about this study recently when the topic of this article came to mind. Does testosterone play a role in attractiveness to women? I mean it would make sense from an evolutionary perspective, so what does the research say? Also, if research supports higher testosterone levels being correlated with more attractiveness then does that mean that men with lower testosterone levels should take a testosterone booster supplement? (Read this Pro Testosterone review for an idea of what these supplements are all about) All of this is something I delve into below…
Previous research on attractiveness
What does previous research say about what makes us biologically attractive to the opposite sex? A particular type of psychologist study this topic. Evolutionary psychologists have studied male facial features and have had women judge their attractiveness. In one study, women found the faces of men who had higher levels of testosterone more attractive than men who did not. In another, they found the opposite- women judged men’s faces to be more appealing when they had lower testosterone levels. How did they explain the difference? They guessed that it was due to the stage of ovulation these women were in.
More recent testosterone research
However, these studies have not accounted for all the differences between masculine and feminine faces. A study by Swaddle and Reierson published in 2002 studied these differences in greater detail. These researchers digitally altered men’s faces, which produced a wide range of faces that varied from those faces with low levels of testosterone to very high levels of this hormone. What did they find? They found that faces with high testosterone were preferred for dominance rather than attractiveness itself. They were unable to conclude much if anything about attractiveness.
In fact, women may prefer men with a certain scent. More specifically, women seem to find the scent of men with high testosterone levels more attractive than men with lower levels. In a recent study, men were required to wear a t-shirt for two nights straight in order to really rub in their natural scent. They then had female volunteers sniff the scent and rate the sexiness levels. They also had women provide information as to what stage of ovulation they were in.
Overall, these evolutionary psychologists have an exciting job. There appears to be some link between testosterone and attractiveness, but they are still ironing out the specifics. It would make sense if higher testosterone levels were associated with greater attractiveness. We want a mate that can provide for us and that is very fertile. Also, men would want a woman who is fertile too, so it makes sense that men find women more attractive on their menstrual cycles. Interesting indeed! In other words, run into your ex when you’re on your period and make them jealous! Ha! Just kidding, but it’s tempting isn’t it?
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What are the most important components of a relationship? You may think you’ve got it down, but do you really? John Gottman of the Gottman Institute is the leading relationship researcher. He has what he called the “Sound Relationship House” with the foundation being something called love maps. In order to build love maps, you need a strong foundation of love and friendship.
Check out more on love maps here.
Attraction can seem like such a mystery. Why does one woman find a man attractive while the other does not? Better yet, why does that guy seem to get a ton of girls when his look are…well, to be polite- questionable? There has to be something more to it than just looks, right? This is where science comes into play. In a previous article, I focused on the role that testosterone plays in the attractiveness of men to women. I even suggested that people taking legal steroids like those found here may be more attractive their partners. Today, I’m going to expand upon this topic further by discussing the results of additional research. Trust me, this stuff is super interesting and relevant to your dating life.
What Does Role Does Testosterone Play in Dating?
Do you know that testosterone spikes when you feel that sensation of attraction for someone? Recently, researchers conducted a study on a group of speed daters. If you’re not familiar with speed dating. It’s essentially where a bunch of random people pair up, have a minute or two to talk, then move on to the next person, and so on. Usually at the end folks will rate whom they’d like to go out on a date with. (I personally don’t find this method appealing!)
In this study by researchers at the University of Michigan, they analyzed results from 200 heterosexual participants who participated in about 2,000 speed dating interactions. Saliva samples were taken at various intervals- 2 a week prior to the speed dating event, another right before the dates, and the final one immediately after the dates.
What’s interesting is that testosterone did not rise in cases of one-sided attraction, but increased when the feeling was mutual. Interestingly, this increase was found in both men and women. Again, the feeling had to be mutual. Both parties had to feel the attraction for each other to experience the rise in testosterone.
It may surprise you that women also experienced the increase. Did you know that women have low levels of testosterone naturally in their bodies? The difference is that men have way higher levels than women. Additionally, in both men and women, high levels of testosterone are linked with increased sexual desire. This is also seen in the animal world with monkeys of both genders, for example, experiencing the same increase during mating rituals.
What purpose does this boost of testosterone serve? Makes you wonder right? In a nut shell, this simply helps the whole dating process along. Why be attracted to someone who isn’t attracted to you? Additionally, testosterone may serve as a sort of gateway to moving a relationship along. One of the most important things to those who are single is finding someone who is mutually attracted to them. I guarantee if you surveyed folks, you’d find that in the top 5 things they are looking for in a potential date. Have you ever been on a date with someone you were utterly not attracted to? It is torture!